When we get back home after work, what do we talk about with our significant others? Twenty per cent is about our professional accomplishments and 70 per cent is about our coworkers (what they have done or said, what they have not done or said)! And the remaining 10 per cent? Well, that would be for some quiet time, when nobody complains about a guy in the office next to yours or a new girl whose shirt is too revealing! Quality silence time… because too much energy during the day is wasted on office gossip.
These numbers are actually based on my own past experience and conversations with my colleagues. But I stay optimistic as everything leads me to believe that in 2018 balanced work relationships are becoming more common and easy. More and more, employees are looking for friendly work environments where human relationships are based on mutual respect and assistance. Some are even willing to accept a salary cut if it is the price to pay for an opportunity to evolve in an inspiring office setting…
There was once a workplace where all employees were friends and had healthy relationships founded on mutual respect. Everyone liked to highlight the qualities of their team members and learn from their peers to grow together. But one day, a new employee joined the team. She was obviously too pretty for the job (phone customer service rep!). That’s when everything went out of whack, setting in motion the wheels of the energy-sucking machine! It all started with one little comment casually dropped by someone at the office: “She must be related to the boss, otherwise why hire a girl whose skirt is so short it leaves nothing for imagination.”
I know from experience that a comment like this may be first but definitely won’t be the last one. Soon, like a magnet, it’ll attract others! Humans simply cannot resist the temptation to drop unnecessary and uncalled-for remarks. Fortunately, people don’t give in to bullying that easily anymore, bullying that is so common when we are kids. However, there are a few bad apples in every bunch, even nowadays: men and women who get carried away and join the wicked game of rumors…
Can it be nipped in the bud, before it’s too late? Sure! I am not a psychologist, but it seems to me that becoming part of an unhealthy office environment – and frankly, it applies to any situation in our lives – testifies to low self-esteem and lack of confidence in these people. When you hear an inappropriate comment, simply ask yourself if you will feel any better if you join in on it? Will you be happier? Instead, why not ask the “bad apple” for the true reasons behind this remark? Is it about seeking approval and validation from others?
I have to admit that once I found myself sucked into this destructive cycle too. Did I feel like I accomplished anything? I’ll let you guess. But I learned from this experience. Now, when I meet someone new, I try to know this person a little better as soon as possible, because I am 90 per cent certain that before long someone will make a critical remark about the newcomer. My trick now is to comment on a quality I saw in the new employee instead. This stops the critic short and even becomes an opportunity to change opinions and attitudes. We can all grow from our experience, evolve and realize that life is too beautiful to focus on the bad!
It is obvious that for a company manager, bad attitudes and workplace conflicts would be unwelcome. So do not ignore any destructive behaviors and negativity, even if you have your hands full with business tasks. It is easier to put a stop on it before the situation deteriorates by making it clear to the team that no inappropriate behavior would be tolerated. And if you feel you don’t have it under control, seeking external help could be a good solution.
The last point I want to make here, and I take it straight from the experience of Mylène Inc.: as a manager, always take the time to introduce the newly hired employee to your team, talk about her professional experience, skills, qualities and the reasons why she was selected for the job. It would be harder for the negative minds to find reasons to pick on this person! It goes without saying, you might think… Well, believe me, it doesn’t!
An easy way to introduce your new employee would be through a joint team activity. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, just a little get-together during your lunch break. Your employees would certainly appreciate it. Oh, I almost forgot… One last tip: make sure your new employee knows your office dress code.
So, which side do you prefer?
Mylène Grégoire
I am just like everyone else! This is who I am. I have fears, desires, needs, questions that push me to go further and questions that, on the contrary, make me freeze in my steps and doubt my decisions!
Am I normal to ask myself so many questions? Is it even possible to ask too many questions? Which questions are considered to be reasonable? Which ones are the right questions? Do you see what I mean?…
In fact, all psychologists and key speakers agree: questioning is healthy and helps us advance, evolve and improve our relations with others and with our inner self. And therefore, it is not to be doubted or questioned!
Several months ago, I had to take some big decisions about my professional life. Decisions that keep me up at night, that prevent me from enjoying the present moment, but that are necessary… The details of why I found myself faced with these decisions are not important, but you should know that I appreciate my comfort and I respect my commitments. When I finally made up my mind to quit the job I had for 11 years, insomnia became my partner for better or for worse! But you know, when a new opportunity comes around like that, without us even looking for it (at least not consciously), we must put everything into question and rethink it all, we cannot ignore it!
So, I’ve been working with a new team for a few months now. I left behind a stable and comfortable job, my colleagues, my friends, many inspiring discussions during lunch hours, my bosses who knew me rather well, my job tasks and responsibilities that I practically knew by heart, my cute window office and a promising career!
I accepted a job offer from a young company, whose challenges had nothing to do with what I knew so well. Yet, it made me feel alive and passionate again. Now, I often work alone in front of my laptop; the other members of our team are on the road most of the time. There are some monthly meetings and exchanges with colleagues, but these are far from the subjects that I would love to discuss during my lunch breaks! I am fortunate to have the opportunity to work from home whenever I feel like it. And on these days, the glowing screen of my laptop is my only companion. This is as far as you can get from the passionate office cooler discussions I used to have! Each week, new tasks are added to my list, new responsibilities that I’ve never had before. Ideas rushing through my head at any time of the day, mostly when everyone else is fast asleep… but there is no paid overtime for this! Sometimes I miss my comfy emotional slippers, but I know they are gone. It was my choice as they became boring and I no longer felt sexy in them!
Would you have accepted a new career turn like this? Today, I can say it was the right decision. All my days are focused on the challenges that my new team give me. Every day I grow more passionate about these wonderful projects in which I believe with all my heart… But to be honest, it is not without doubts, fears and anxieties!
Some people are bold and audacious, they are real go-getters, they can easily dive into the unknown and take risks. And to them I say thank you for being there! You drive our beautiful society with your countless projects and you are an inspiration for the rest of us. We all know people like that. My boss is one of them! Others, me included, are more like cautious dreamers, whose aspirations are like a castle in the sky or a far-away planet! Do I go for it? Am I risking getting lost along the way? Would I be financially capable to keep my lifestyle? Do I have the guts for it? Would I be able to take the right decisions and do the right things, investing a part of me in this company and thus making a difference? Will my family be able to deal with the stress, joys and sacrifices that come with my new job? Do I have what it takes to live up to the expectations of my new boss? As I said, questions, questions, never-ending questions rushing through my head…
Whether you are a go-ahead type or one of those who question themselves during sleepless nights, you all have equal chances to make it in life. Your paths will be different, but the success of companies and organizations comes from the dedication of people of all sorts. Just be aware that if you decide to start a business or change jobs, these questions may not all have answers in the short term. And it may be for the better – that’s what keeps us alive and engaged! The unknown is not so bad after all!
You, bosses, will have to deal with all these personalities and find the potential in each of them. If an employee decides to leave the job for something new, you should see it as an opportunity to improve and to build on it. Yet not all managers would ask for the true reasons behind this decision to quit the job. I am talking here about getting to the bottom of things. An employee who is 100% happy would never leave. Thus it is a perfect occasion to understand the emotional dynamics and the real motivations for this departure. Are you ready to hear them and to make sure that other good employees do not follow in search of a better life? As a leader, you can’t please everyone, of course. There are constraints, regulations, agreements, etc. But understanding the internal issues that your employees live and willing to listen to them is already a step towards achieving happiness of your team members. A compromise is certainly a good solution, if possible. Each departure should lead to in-depth evaluation and reflection.
I must say that I’ve learned a lot since I started my new job. Above all, I realized that I must trust my instincts, sometimes listen to my heart and sometimes listen to my head. We often forget that there must be a dialogue between the two. Fears and questions are normal and fundamental, and must not be ignored. Sometimes, we should get out of our comfortable slippers and slide on a pair of new shiny shoes. You know, these beautiful new shoes that make us suffer at first, but also make us feel good about ourselves, powerful and ready to take on the world! Eventually they’ll be broken in, don’t worry… So, set aside a budget to update them when the time is right! During the times of doubt, ask yourself if you fear change or you fear failure. As Albert Einstein said, you never fail until you stop trying.
In conclusion, let’s review my motivations when I decided to go ahead and change jobs. Of course, my personal goal was to show that I could deal with the challenge, to learn new skills, to build my confidence and self-esteem, and to prove to myself that the blisters on my feet are not the end of the world if the journey is filled with happiness and discoveries! And also, each new person I meet on this path will be my source of inspiration and motivation to surpass myself.
Enjoy the road ahead! Stay alive and let life surprise you!
Mylène Grégoire, expert in questioning!
Let me introduce myself: my employee ID Number is 04, I am a seasoned professional with rich work experience, most of it is rewarding and inspiring, yet some is frustrating and even annoying at times! However, every event and every encounter on my career path forges my character and builds my identity.
Through its blogs, Totem Performance Organisationnelle mainly targets organizational leaders. So, I decided to step in and speak on behalf of employees – those who are happy, those who are dissatisfied and even those who feel invisible in an organization where every team member must feel valued and appreciated.
I am talking to employees who, I am sure, can relate to what I want to say here, and above all, I am talking to Bosses, Presidents, Leaders, Owners, and to all those who have “important” titles in their electronic signatures. I address all business leaders, because I want to be heard! As an employee, I’ve lived many emotions and I know I’ll have many others to go through (retirement is not yet an option for me, my RRSP and investment accounts would not allow it yet!). And that’s what I’d like to talk with you about…
Dear bosses, when you table your decisions, do you always know how they affect your employees, their feelings and their state of mind? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t doubt your humanity. After all, most of you also go through ups and downs when making important decisions concerning us. But wouldn’t you like to really understand what some of your employees actually live on a daily basis? I’m talking about their feelings, from conflicting to happy, and everything in-between. Did you think that all your employees are completely frank when letting you in on what’s going on in their lives? Trust me, they are not, otherwise the unemployment rate would go through the roof.
So I’ll share my thoughts and my personal experience, as well as the experience of people whom I know and even those whom I hardly know, who wanted to talk to me about their professional and personal lives. And indeed, our personal and professional lives are closely connected, which makes your role of leaders even more complex! I would like to use the stories and testimonials of real people to bring to light the subject less talked about, that of the relationships between employees and their bosses, and even the relationships between employees. You might be surprised!
I hope you enjoy reading my articles. And I also hope they can make you think about the part of you that you had to put away to be a leader who does not let emotions get in the way of decision-making! And if this is the case, you should know that your employees, just like you, drag their emotional baggage back home with them after their workday is over… to the dismay of their loved ones and to the delight of family lawyers!
By the way, several years ago I made a choice and I’m no longer an employee with the ID Number 04. I am Mylène Grégoire. And it is my pleasure to share my world with you. It is the world I love to color with good humor and wit, but which is never far from the truth…
See you soon!
Mylène Grégoire
